i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
