one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
