yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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