She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
