HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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