Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
