Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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