if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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