Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
