hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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