doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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