i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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