In the future we'll all be gay
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
