She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
