i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
