im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Couch. On fire.
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