I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
