This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She needs sedatives and a leash
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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