I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
