i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
