Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
