About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize