not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.