so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED