Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
