I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
