I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
