How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
