Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
