He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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