It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
