i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
