don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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