So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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