I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
40s are totally the cure
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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