soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
