We're like a lot better than the average bears
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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