There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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