Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He felt like a one man threesome
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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