But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
