Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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