Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
