Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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