mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
