i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
