what day is it and did you see me today?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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