This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
