The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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