it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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