if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
