i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
