We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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