Just cropdusted the office
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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