I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
