i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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