is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
