you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
