did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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