I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I deserve this hangover.
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