I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
