WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
