I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
