so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
